When it comes to creating an estate plan, many parents naturally want their children to be present. It can feel practical and even comforting to include adult children in the conversation—after all, they are often the beneficiaries and sometimes play key roles as trustees or powers of attorney. However, attorneys must carefully consider the ethical implications of allowing children to be present during these discussions. The primary concern is ensuring that the parents, as the clients, are making decisions freely and without undue influence.

Estate planning is a deeply personal process that requires clients to express their true wishes about how they want their assets distributed and who they trust to make decisions on their behalf. When adult children are present, especially if one is favored or has a controlling personality, there’s a real risk that the parents may be pressured—subtly or overtly—into choices they wouldn’t make if speaking privately. This kind of influence, even if well-intentioned, can later raise questions about the validity of the plan and lead to costly and emotionally draining disputes.

From an ethical standpoint, attorneys have a duty to their client—the parents—and not to the children, even if the children are involved or paying the bill. The lawyer must ensure that the clients understand their rights and options without interference. This often means requesting to meet with the parents alone for at least part of the consultation, giving them space to express their wishes candidly. It’s also essential for attorneys to assess the clients’ mental capacity and confirm that they are acting voluntarily and with full understanding of their decisions.

While children can be involved later in the process to help implement the plan or understand their roles, their presence in the initial planning stages must be handled carefully. Attorneys may choose to allow children to join the meeting only after confirming that the parents are comfortable with it—and even then, must remain alert to any signs of coercion or discomfort. In some cases, having a neutral third-party, like a social worker or financial advisor, can help balance the dynamic.

Ultimately, the goal is to create an estate plan that truly reflects the parents’ intentions and can stand up to legal scrutiny if challenged. That requires both legal skill and ethical sensitivity. By setting clear boundaries and ensuring private, confidential communication, attorneys help protect not just the integrity of the estate plan, but the dignity and autonomy of their clients.